alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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Carry On Smiling And The World Will Smile With You

I don't know if I have the guts to quit my job.

But I know that I really can't handle it right now. I guess the world really was bearing down on me harder than I thought. Tonight I freaked out. Twice. Once at around six-thirty and then again at one.

I have a shrink appointment in the morning and I hope she will fill out some form that I can present to my work that says I'm too mentally unbalanced to work there.

I'm thinking dark thoughts and harbouring violent impulses. I don't know why this is the way it is. I don't know anything anymore. I'm struggling with something I can't handle: myself.

I'm sorry that I've been so terrible and negligent these past few months. I passed it off as something entirely different than what it was. I'll cry my tears and probably be ok in a while. I just want to show you all smiles. I wish I could be strong for you. I wish it wasn't this way, I hate to make you worry. I want you to know how I really feel, but the words just won't come.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, and you, I downloaded your MP3, and it's nowhere near my recycle bin. I like it a lot.

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