Bonnie and I dropped everyone off and proceeded to my house around 3 am and shortly thereafter Lindsay joined us. We had a semi-sleep over except we were all tired like a mo, so we fell asleep watching Space Ghost and then slept in until 11.00 when we all got up and got ready to leave (except me, I was about to sleep more, shoot!) and I saw off Lindsay and Bonnie and we all agreed to meet at this cafe called In The Company Of Wolves at 7pm so we could all watch the fireworks together. So then I fall back to sleep at like 2 when they've gone until like 5.30 when I decided I wanted to get ready and Mya calls me. She tells me that Mike has just stormed out on her because they were having a debate about how much we've all changed. People change, yes, and that's hard but he's taking it like a dick. He said I was broken and told her she needs to stop doing drugs and then he left. So she was very sad and called me and told me this, and so we had a little kinda therapy session and assured each other that we'd always be there for each other no matter what changes occur in us. So I got off the phone with her at like 6.15 and then went to the bathroom to do my hair and brush my teeth.
So I'm late. I get to the cafe at 7.20 because there were all kinds of hold-ups. Bonnie and Lindsay were already inside and we decided we wanted to wander around First Street. So we went all the way down and then came back up and then I saw Mick and didn't even bother saying hello. I was very angry with him. So he says hey to me, and I say hey back but after that no words were exchanged. So then this guy that I haven't seen in a long time who called me a bitch a long time ago comes up and tries to chat with me like we're such good friends. Then he asks me all these questions that are really painful to talk about because they're about the past and I am very haunted when it comes to my past... and Christina sees the look on my face and I just burst into tears and Lindsay had to take me behind the building to calm me down because all these people on the street just saw me freak out and with my luck, Mick probably thinks it's because of him. So after I felt better we decided to go buy some Vodka just for the hell of it, at this point I was looking for any way out of reality. (And I saw Katie L. and that made my night, I love that girl!) So we get this guy to go into the store and buy us some Vodka and orange juice (which I paid for and Stefan is now holding onto for me) and then we proceeded to Josh's house to watch the fireworks.
Port Costa caught fire.
We get up there, and at this point I am so depressed that I wanna die, so I chill in the kitchen and eat practically all of Bonnie's Chex Mix (but she didn't mind because she's sweet, she told me to "embrace it").
Then everyone comes out of the garage and most of us end up chilling in the baby's room with the orange juice and Chex Mix... and then Josh's mom comes home and tells us we're creepy for being in the baby's room and yells at Josh about how it's not a party house and we all got kicked out.
So then it's like nearing 12.00 and Lindsay has to be home so we drop everyone off and she takes me home, and I spot her a couple bucks so she can get coffee for Bonnie so that Bonnie can drive home safely.
So then I get home and I'm still kinda sad, and I check my messages. One new one, and it was from Travis. I called him back, and he goes, "Can I call you back? I'm watching a movie." That guy never wants to talk to me.
So I call Mya and make sure she's ok, and she's fine, but tired and a little paranoid. Then Alex calls and I talk to him for a while and Travis calls back and he was actually nice to me and we actually had a nice conversation for once.
And then I got really sad and started crying after we got off the phone. Now I am sitting here alone and typing all this into my journal. There are a lot more details that I skipped out on, but now is not the time.
(But the time is now).
And here I am, alone in the dark. Remembering everything that's made me sad tonight and will continue to make me sad. Thinking about how humans really can't just get along.
Still sad. But certain moments made me happy.
I realise I still really like certain people who I should be over.
Fire and fireworks.
Bittersweet 4th of July.