\\diamond dust diva// \\the silver storm|ice angels|crystal ships//
*++pollytrance: glistening queen++*

\\ speak * the heated agony //
\\ no shocks * electric //
\\ all alone * nevermore //
\\ dark times * another castle //
\\ fame claim * left on calliope //
\\ polly trance * life story //
\\ rasputina * in a gleaming key //
\\ nights past * sweated out //
\\ gather round * swirling snowflakes //
\\ gloriously absent * the painful sun //

(5 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

Bestial Watersports. [28 March 2009|12:14am]
I feel like you should know that a dog pissed on me today.

After that a boy took me out for milkshakes. It was all very 1950's. He met my folks, and I met his... all of this with dog pee on.

I still got it!

What.

5000

(14 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

But Not Today [24 March 2009|10:45pm]
[ mood | confused ]



What the hell is this? I mean, I know it's Cedric Diggory, but.. what? Why? Where can I get fun spinning hammer-and-sickles? I do not suspect this is from Blinkee, but if it is I will probably pee my pants.

To be honest, the commie overtones get my rocks off in a big way, even though that guy died in the graveyard like five years ago. Who dies in a graveyard? That should have been in "Ironic" by Alanis M.

It's like DYING in a GRAVEYARD! It's commie overtones, that you don't understand! Isn't it IRONIC? Don't you think??

Who dies in a graveyard? Who writes a story and goes-- there will be a death, and it will be in a graveyard! Instead of leaving the body in the graveyard though, I will take it far away from the graveyard instead, so all of the dying was in vain because I just made everyone work harder to get that motherfucker back to a graveyard.

I thought he was British.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

On the IMDB, the plot keywords of the Harry Potter series have one of those "spoilers! rollover to view keywords!" warnings. Let me spoil things, the key words are: teacher, magic, school, wizard, harry potter. I feel so spoiled.

I have news!

5000

(12 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

The Piano Explodes At The End [21 March 2009|4:25pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I shouldn't drive when I am excited, because I'm going to get pulled over for it. I drive like I am wasted out of my mind when I am excited. Sometimes, even when I am not excited, I forget what side of the street to drive on. True story. I also sometimes forget which is the throttle and which is the brake, if you know what I mean.

I am braking up with you.

Today this man came into my job to get his health food because he was 'doing a wedding'. Apparently, we are Christianity central. There is this man that always comes in when I am working and gives me big fake silver coins with scripture on them. He is a nice man but it is a little disconcerting. I forgot my glasses today. The man with the coins and the man doing the wedding are not the same person, but they were both there today.

The wedding man gave me his credit card and I almost passed out when I read the name on it. It was the name of a mortician that I was in love with when I was 12. I of course could not control myself and got to asking questions immediately.

"Did you used to be a mortician?"

"I still am," he said. "How did you know?"

"You had a booth at a career day when I was in middle school."

Oh, you should have seen the terrified look on his face, it was wonderful.

"Um... I... when was that?"

"Like 1996."

"I... wow. I am officially OLD. I'm sorry... I have no idea who you are."

"That's ok," I said, and smiled REAL big.

I love how I remembered this man's name even though I haven't seen him in 12 years. He's still hot, which is a shame because he is married now.

The most fun part about this is that Pinz and I looked him up in the phone book after career day and kept calling the number and hanging up to see if a woman would answer so that we could determine what his availability was.

First thing I did when I got home, naturally, was call Pinz to tell her who I encountered.

When I told her his name, she responded, "Who?"

"That mortician from middle school."

"What mortician?"

"The one we were in love with and called his house all the time to see if a girl would pick up."

"Wha-- OH YEAH!!! I totally forgot about that guy! We called him?"

"Yeah. Called and hung up on three-way for like two weeks."

"I love your memory. You always remind me of how awesome my life was and all of the awesome, insane shit that I did. This guy tried to hit on me at work, so I told him that me and my son were in Arcata on the run from my abusive husband."

"Great, Pinz, then he's going to be around more, all wanting to protect you and fight for your honour."

"Nuh-uh! When I told him that, he walked away. Like, he doesn't want to deal with my psycho ex that will kill him, or my kid. Baby MAMA. As soon as he was gone, I was like, 'Heh, heh, I just lied to you and you believed it!!' I lie all the time! I get so satisfied, too, when people believe me and I can't believe how awesome I am!!"

You see, this is why I love her.

Her dad hella loves me and thinks I am a good kid, but her step-mom thinks I am the anti-christ and has forbidden Pinz from ever inviting me back to the house because I poured some Sprite on the pavement and then laughed about it. She made me get a bucket and a pushbroom and scrub it out even though it was outside. She is crazy. Therefore, Pinz and I make fun of her.

Also, I peed on her stepmom's couch and we blamed it on the dog because we knew the dog wouldn't get in trouble for it. She also yelled at us because we were pretending to be Julia Child past ten pm-- at age seventeen. What.

I usually get really suicidal in the springtime and I have had a couple of episodes, but at present I am ecstatic.

Pee on couches and stalk morticians MOAR.

Oh yeah, and fuck a load of Russia right now because I realised I have something more important to save for. It is called getting my name legally changed. My last name is going to be Yood and it's going to RULE.

You want to know what kind of name Yood is? It's AMERICAN!!

I have not slept for 24 hours.

My hair is the colour of feces.



brb, doin' it with alvin yood.

5000

(3 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

I'm Your Lover, I'm Your Zero [17 March 2009|4:43pm]
[ mood | giddy ]



Happy Birthday, Billy.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to those of y'all that survived the Ides.

5000

(2 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

TOKYO DRIFT [15 March 2009|6:07pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I irritates me that when I leave my room to turn on the heater, right as I'm about to do it, someone ALWAYS has to yell, "Warm it up, Kris!!"

I'm ABOUT TO.

That's what I was BORN to do!!!

It makes me so sad that only one of them was good-looking.

5000

(2 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

Woo Woo Otter Pop [9 March 2009|10:17pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

I will kill things.

This makes me angry.

I saw her out though and she looked like Tori Spelling, and she had been crying.

5000

(2 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

Voice Post [4 March 2009|3:47pm]
VoicePost
130K 0:42
“It sounds like Enigma. Ok bye.”

Auto-Transcribed Voice Post

(10 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

All The Kings Brohans + All The Kings Men [3 March 2009|10:39am]
[ mood | curious ]

What is "kapibara"? I probably mangled that spelling into oblivion because that just looks wrong to me, and the word itself sounds foreign and I keep hearing it.

What is it? Where do I keep hearing it? I don't know!

Cappy-Bear-UHHHHHH.

WTF IS IT?

WHAT IS A BROHAN.

Enchanted learning!

Also, fuck you Minnesota for being in a different time zone.

5000

(1 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

What Colour? The Colour Of NO [2 March 2009|11:08am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

My hair is the colour of human excrement.

NO.

Also, I am still pissed and hate everything and will probably be that way for... ever/as long as it takes me to save up for Russia. It's Russia now, you heard. I don't want to be that close to all of the car accidents. I mean fuck.

Also I just spent $40,000. I am not even sure how I managed that, but I did.

5000

(9 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

A Cry From The Land Of Exile [23 January 2009|12:08pm]
[ mood | dread ]

Is anyone free tonight to do me a huge favour? It's called please come out with me. Yesterday was my brohan's 21st birthday and so tonight there is going to be a stupid bar crawl and I have to go under pain of death.

I don't want to go by myself! SO BORING.

Someone come with me! Please! I shoot my head like a rockstar.

Also, why do I have to go to a bar when I don't drink WTF??

5000

(2 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

Shut Up, Fucker [20 January 2009|1:03pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]

Something occurred between Missy and the washing machine.

the postman with the moustache who i was in love withCollapse )

BECAUSE! Anthony Bourdain is a pervert. After reading what he wrote about how he loves raw oysters because they remind him of mermaid vaginas and he felt all initiated after discovering them? I mean, can we get serious? So now whenever I see his face all I can imagine is him like, neck-deep in Ariel. Wouldn't YOU feel uncomfortable if you had to watch someone who gave you that mental image with your mother sitting right there?

Her response to this explanation was to laugh really hard, then pause, then say, "He is a pervert! By the way, Kate, you have to call it a 'va-jay-jay'."

Ok, mom, get right on that.

Since she wouldn't turn it off, I used my old stand-by, which is to call her senile and chant the word 'dementia' at her until I get my way.

She also gets really pissed off if I tell her that Rosie O'Donnell is her girlfriend.

"Why would you say that, Kate? I hate her. She's a pain in the ass. You know Jodie Foster is gay?"

My mother hates Rosie because of The View. I still don't entirely understand that whole thing.

I don't remember what I said, exactly, but it was probably along the lines of "You only like Anthony Bourdain because of your dementia, wouldn't Rosie get jealous?"

Whatever it was, it got me the best reaction from my mom, ever, bar none.

"Shut up, fucker."

I started laughing so hard that my dad came out of his room to see what was going on.

Aw, mawma. Never change.

5000

(5 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

The World May Never Know [17 January 2009|3:39pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]



Is it wrong that I laughed really hard at this?

More importantly, is this right?

5000

(drowning)

That Girl's Out Way Ahead Of The Game [31 December 2008|7:43pm]
[ mood | irate ]

OH, SON OF A BITCH.

The Rocky marathon is New Years DAY, not tonight.

Now I'm extra pissed off that I turned down two invites out and have thus royally screwed myself out of a fun evening.

For clarity: I did not turn them down just to watch Rocky. I am not that big of a freak. Yet.

5000

(5 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

A Spare Bit Of Parchment [23 December 2008|1:33am]
[ mood | energetic ]

Look what someone gave me at work on Thursday!!



I think it RULES.

Also I cut and coloured my hair again because I was pissed off at Missy. Obviously, destroying shit is the answer when you are irritated with someone.

It looked like the icon before. Now it looks like this:



I managed, obviously, to get an amazing tan in the process.

All of the hair I cut off is stored inside a latex glove. I am going to start an etsy account where I sell weird things like that.

"Creepy bag of hair in glove. Real, human hair. Blonde, black, and purple. Unique gift item!"

I am so obsessed with cutting my hair that it could totally work.

I also have bits of coloured scab from when my tattoo was healing. Missy has them right now, but I can steal them back. I have a nice box that those could go in. Real human skin!!

For sale soon, on an internet near you.

I need to stop cutting my fucking hair.

5000

(4 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

Duane [4 December 2008|12:11pm]
[ mood | sad ]







5000

(drowning)

This Person Wants To Be Skinny, This Guy Wants To Be In Love [3 December 2008|8:50pm]
[ mood | amused ]

This little white-haired lady came in looking for mystery books. She was delighted when she saw that we carried books by "Jessica Fletcher".

"I love these books! Though, I do miss the fashion show that came along with watching it instead of reading it. It's alright, though! My daughters get me the videos every Christmas!!"

SHE WAS SO HAPPY. I wanted to hug her.

ALSO THIS:



THE SUBTITLES. HOLY SHIT.

I LOVE foreigners so much!

My favourite lines:

"You will find here, around every corner, something strange... or a gnome"
"There's nothing like than to give someone a heart attack!"
"Caught in a whirlpool with a head"


5000

(2 pinned to the bottom and drowning)

You Slummin' Again, Bimbo? [24 November 2008|1:22am]
[ mood | naughty ]



I SAID GODDAMN.

5000

the whirring eddies
* taste crystal ++ icicles *
* view the dew ++ sun and thaw\+/freeze and sparkle *

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