alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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Momma, I'm In The Slammer

I am now in possession of some black beads. I blew my $25 Michael's gift certificate today and boy did it feel good. I still think Michael's should have lower prices though. I want a bunch of Wal Mart's gift certificates for my birthday. Yes, yes, nice and trashy, just like me.

Because it was determined that I am Ameritrash, which is like Eurotrash, only not from Europe, from America.

I am Ameritrash because:

*I microwave things you are supposed to bake or cook on the stove
*I like bowling alleys, roller rinks, and laundromats (and wouldn't necessarily mind living in one)
*I listen to a variety of terrible music (all you gotsta do is ask)
*If my hair is gross, unruly, bad, or big, I'd rather just let it be gross, unruly, bad and big than be late for taking a shower or trying to fix it.
*I enjoy trashy American food, like Zingers.
*I've got the typical American obesity thing going on
*I wear blue fuzzy bathrobes instead of actual jackets
*I don't understand the meaning of colour-coordinate
*I use "being drunk" as an excuse to act slutty or stupid, even if I'm not really drunk
*I know a bunch of small-town tricks to cure boredom (ie, shopping cart wrangling, harassing rich bitches on camera, using racial slurs in a loving manner, etc)
*I've been to Andy's more than a couple of times, and have gotten Mya hooked on it
*I've got a pill shop in my room of old medications that I've given up and have resorted to giving them away (small town kicks?)
*I am a small-town (country?) girl and have sucked on plants like honey-suckle and straw before
*I wear shirts with beer logos on them
*I don't own any designer shoes OR outfits
*I actually like having sex
*I speak fluent ghetto
*I've faked ditziness in order to make boys think I'm an easy target, just to get their attention (and sadly, it's worked)
*One word: fishnets
*I LIKE big hair, even when it's not trendy
*I wear ripped clothes, whether in style or not
*I travel between different social groups like a diplomat because I am loud, obnoxious, and usually make stupid comments at which many people laugh
*I use profanities that would make truckers blush (as does Mya)
*More people know me by my nicknames (Red, Star, Phoebe, Hemlock Ava, Jane) than my real name.
*I've actually believed that the perfect career would be professional girlfriend (switching sugar daddies every now and then)
*I'm a veteran in a weekly girls' therapy group (thus: whore, crazy girl, trashy family, etc)
*Two words: Top Ramen
*I believe in the four food groups: Canned, Frozen, Instant, and Just-Add-Water.
*I dye my hair
*I wear at least four pieces of make-up EVERY DAY. (Mascara, liner, shadow, lip gloss, blush, lipstick, etc)
*I say "like" a lot more than a normal person should
*I love talking to people from other countries mostly because I love hearing their accents, not because I necessarily care about what they are talking about
*Everytime my friends and I go somewhere where we'll never see people again, we use fake accents and take on different names, just for kicks (KANGAROO, BOOMERANG)

There are a lot more traits to being Ameritrash than that, but those are some basic ones. Anyone else out there Ameritrash?

When I turn 18, I will TRULY be Ameritrash. Because I am going to buy a bunch of porn and just leave it laying around the house so that guests and my parents will be shocked and appalled. It will be right good fun. I am going to have a good cackle at my mother's reaction to it, especially.

I have to go back to skool tomorrow, and so I must write a piece on morals. I think my moral will be don't do drugs. That will be easy to write. And I should go in early to get a Shakespearean monologue established so that I don't fail drama. That would bite the big one. But I've got easy finals, so it's all good.

Sex and the City is coming on, so I gotta bounce.

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