alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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The Same Thing As Before

Once, Lindsay told me that I never posted anymore. I was posting when she said that, but they were like two-sentence long entries that either had to do with Donny Osmond or Invader Zim.

This time, it's Jessica telling me I never post anymore. This is true. My life has either become amazingly dull, or intense but something I wish to keep private. I guess it's more along the lines of I don't wanna talk about what's been happening lately. I wanna keep it all hush-hush... but I've been very angry and I don't like it.

I feel like my head is pounding... you know like those techno songs that make you put your fingers to your temples and you close your eyes and savour every synthetic note? That's what I feel like. And besides that, I feel hungry because I didn't eat at all tonight so that I could go and have a big dinner with Mya, because we always have dinner once a week (Wednesdays... I used to get Chinese food) at Fresh Choice. This is how we keep in touch. Tonight was supposed to be more special than normal though, because we were going to go visit Stephen... Mya has a date with him on Friday and all... and she really likes this one, and that's good, because someone needs to get her mind off of old Mr. Uh-Huh.

But instead of going to group, which probably would have been very valuable, I fell asleep and slept my little sleep-deprived bones until five-o-clock, when my mom asked me if I was going to Concord... and when I told her I didn't know, she said she'd rather I didn't because of the weather. The rain on the road makes her nervous as all hell.

So at seven thirty I woke naturally and called Mya. She sounded very upset because she worked really hard to fit me into her Wednesday night, and I just slept. I feel like such a worthless asshole flake. I need to carve an X on my wrist. I've been craving it like no other.

Tyler told me that he thought I was completely different than I really am. He told me he thought I was one of the few truly happy people that exist in the world.

To this day, I will never be more amazed, nor more entertained, than when I am hearing what people originally thought before they got to know me.

Only slightly less interesting to me... is the way they feel about me AFTER they've known me a while... what the hell do people think of this one little girl called Katie?

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