alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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I Used To Love Him, Now I Don't Even Miss Him

My head is all cloudy. Full of bees! Maybe it's the headache. Maybe it's the thought that people are jumping ship. It could be the fact that I'm still in awe of the events of late.

Things change so fast. He said he was envious of the fact that I can achieve euphoria without being on any drugs. "You are lucky, Katie."

I don't feel lucky. I feel sedated, hollow, throbbing. Not that I'm unhappy. I just feel odd. Like I just came out of a tomb (or a womb, for that matter) that was suffocating me with its fluid, and now my limbs are all sore and I'm just discovering what it's like to live as a normal person. Maybe it's because that days old explody happiness is gone.

Whoever keeps calling my machine and not leaving a message, be warned that I am out for your blood. "Don't hurt me, I'm just a fetus!"

I just wanna be by your side. Take you on a rock-a-bye, think about it all the time. This is what a come-down feels like.

I want that stuff that hurts my teeth, I can't remember what it's called right now. They sometimes put it in ice cream, and that's the only way I can handle its flavour, but then it hurts my teeth, and I don't know why I want it.

I feel like a horrible person. I've been in some delusional state for the past couple of days that I was so pre-occupied with the love I felt that I didn't notice how much I loathed other things.

Love me. I will love you back. The trip to Los Angeles is looking more and more impossible, and I think I'm just gonna stay home and tape Zim tonight and not go anywhere.

It's all come full-circle. I'm back where I was during the summer of Mike and Mya. I'm holed up in my room all day while the world is passing me by. This time, however, people know what's going on because of this place.

Maybe next time they won't be so lucky.

Oh, and I just wanted to blow an extra-special kiss to Johnny for making my morning brighter. You make me feel so special.

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