alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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Ballistic On The Inside

You Are Sam From "Benny & Joon."

You are very talented at physical comedy. People are in awe of your abilities. However, you have many quirks which can either win people over or completely annoy them. But you're a sweetheart through and through, and it's hard not to love you.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

I just had the best memory, brought to life by this quiz. (Thanks, M, for posting it :D)

Ok, the memory is this: When I was in the hospital last October, the girls in my room and I hid from the staff, thus making it seem like there were four patients escaped, cos we were awake and we hid right as they came to wake us up. We got in loads of trouble for this, and we got threatened with lots of punishment (none of which was dished out). Then, when the rest of the people on the ward found out, a girl named Jessica B., who I was completely in love with, came up to me and laughed. "Oooh," she said. "You guys are bad." Then she sang to me, and you know what song she sang? "Bad To The Bone."

Aaah. Even though that was hell I met some people I could never meet in a real life situation.

I think this cup has anthrax, but I don't care, I'm going to drink out of it anyway. Maybe I will get anthrax and die, and the world will be a better place.

Last night, I got free nachos from Mark again, and before I walked out the door, he said we should kick it. Ha. I was kind of waiting for something like that to happen. Next time I go in there and he's working I'm going to leave $2.03 on the counter and just take my shit and run. That's the total cost. That sounds bitchy, but what on Earth are me and him going to do? The only thing we have in common is that we live in Vallejo and we like nachos.

I think I am turning into a sociopath. I told my doctor last night and she said my behaviour was a bit sociopathic. I agree. I think I have been hurt so much, and lied to and fucked with so much, that I am destined to become like Albert Fish. I read his biography a couple of nights ago and it made me all paranoid of strangers, but I swear, that's not the only reason it scared me.

It scared me because when he was describing how he tortured his victims before he killed them to make their meat tender, I was thinking thoughts like, "That's right, nice and tender."

It scares me because part of me is afraid of people like him, and part of me thinks I am a person like he was. He and I thought along a lot of the same lines. He was a Taurus too, that's what got me the most. A lot of people hate Taureans, cos we're crazy. But not all of us are. I mean, look at Jessica. There was never a soul more pure.

I went to Fresh Choice with Jessica and Chris where we ate until we wanted to puke our little guts out. Isn't that wonderful? Mya wasn't there. She was hard to locate. I guess I would be too if I had friends around all the time, but as the days pass, I only grow more and more solitary. Bursting out in tears for no reason. Whatever. So then I went to Mya's house and watched Training Day with her parents and someone who I think is her uncle, but I'm not sure. It was odd. I felt like I belonged there watching that movie with them, even though Mya wasn't there. When I left at ten-thirty, Bill said, "Did you get your jacket, Katie?" like I was their daughter. I was told to drive safe and all. I liked the feeling, but it does well to confuse the hell out of someone who was adopted. It made me feel that I could probably fit into any family being who I was, as long as they had the means. So it made me question whether my family now is the right one. It also made me question why I am still bothering to breathe in and out as the days pass. I am getting dangerously close to eighteen, and watch week is fast approaching. Maybe I'll do it before then, and no one will be able to do a thing to stop me.

After that, I went to Stefan's where we played on the computer and talked a lot and hung out in the bathroom and watched Space Ghost. I like something about bathrooms and kitchens, although I don't like the idea of a kitchen. I like to sit on bathroom and kitchen floors. I guess it reminds me of my old house. I miss that place dearly, and my mother loathed it. Go figure. She would get so furious with me when I sat on the floor of the kitchen, but I was happy. Well, maybe not happy, but content. Content and comfortable.

After that I went home, turned on Home Movies, and went to sleep until six this evening. And now I just want to lock myself in my room and stare at the ceiling, although I know it will never be the same, and the fucking light up there hurts my eyes.

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