alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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So Now You're A Mantis...

This question applies to anyone who knows me: do you think I have charisma?

Secondly, I don't think I'll be dining with friends again any time soon. I don't know if it was the laughing, the screaming, or the waiting but it was exhausting. I came home and promptly fell asleep at 11, and didn't wake up until 11.30 the next morning. I also quit smoking yesterday.

I was wearing a thermal, a t-shirt, some sweats and a rasta hat, and was described as "very attractive" by two 30+ boys last night. Then, though I was not smoking, a guy from El Sobrante who was shopping with his sister, asked me if I had a lighter, because "I look like a smoker". According to him, you can tell if they do by the way they look. He insisted that I had a lighter, so I took him and his sister to my car, which he complimented ("Nice Hyundai!") and told me he almost worked at a Hyundai dealership.

Then he left. People swimming in and out of my life like it is a bay or something.

People told me I looked like a smoker in 8th grade.

People have told me this all of my teenaged life, even though I only smoked from 12-14 (where after I quit because sneaking my dad's Kools really was not worth it) and then since I turned 18, which was about 5 months ago.

So what constitutes looking like a smoker? I hope to god it has nothing to do with the teeth, cos I know for a fact that my nails aren't yellow, but it's hard to judge for yourself whether or not your teeth are yellow. But if my teeth are in fact, yellow, this could be from my obscene Coca-Cola intake, rather than smoking in excess, which I don't even do. Usually I have one a day, go a few days, have another one. The only time I get in trouble is when I go clubbing or something. And I use whitening agents on my chompers once a day.

I know! Maybe the bags under my eyes make me look like a smoker. Though, this could be caused by my almost perpetual lack of sleep. Not that I have some super-stressful life, but I am always tired and pushing myself in 20-million directions at once.

Perhaps I look like a smoker because of my "alternative" style. T-shirts, sweats, thermals, messy hair, Vans. Maybe looking like a female Kurt Cobain constitutes a smoker?

Maybe it's the red lipstick. 50's dames wore red lipstick, and they looked awfully glamorous puffing on their cigarettes.

Maybe it's the chipped nailpolish. Because my nailpolish is chipped, my life is on the brink of dissolving before I can salvage it, and everyone knows upon sight, that I have to smoke and drink tea to stitch my life back together. As in "Iris", She stitches me back together with nicotine and tea.

Maybe it's my hunched posture? They see me hunched over, being cynical and probably thinking deep thoughts ["Tonight is a perfect night to go to a playground!"], and the only thing that's missing is the cigarette.

Maybe it's my shaky hands. That has nothing to do with smoking. That's nerves.

So now I ask you: what do YOU see in people that makes you think they smoke? What, looks-wise constitutes a smoker?

PS-- I was a clove-smoker. Not a cigarette smoker.

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