February 7th, 2002

i love ag

What A Day, What A Day...

Today began ho-hum enough... the alarm went off at eight and I tossed and turned in my bed. Today it wasn't so much a debate about whether or not I would go to school... it was more of a "There is no way in Hell I am going to school today" day, though I couldn't fall back to sleep this morning because odd dreams and a sick feeling about the developments of late with Stefan kept me awake. So at nine I got up and took a shower, and was only five minutes late to class.

School was boring as usual, though the kids in my classes tend to be a lot of fun, and one of the pieces of writing I handed in was referred to as "harrowing" by the new teacher. I still don't completely understand what that means... so if anyone could be kind enough to explain it to me, it would be greatly appreciated.

The ball really got rolling when I talked to Christina. She made fun of me for the way Stefan and I broke up, and I love her for that. She can make any situation into a good one with her sharp wits and unbeatable humour.

After she said what she said, I was inspired to go see if Stefan was ok. So I did, and we ended up chatting until seven pm, when I drove home, having completely missed group, but still having a dinner engagement that I needed to go to with Mya. Before I left, I made him smile and I made him laugh. He didn't want to, he said. He said he was supposed to be sad. But I made him laugh and I was happy about that.

"I don't know what you did," he said. "But even though we're still not together, I feel a lot better than I did."

And he did something for me that I thought was really sweet.

So... this dinner engagement with Mya. I did my hair all fluffy and put bright pink and yellow butterflies in my hair to clip some of it back, and I wore bright pink lipstick. So of course, I felt all light and bubbly and acted stupid. Me and Mya have such fun together.

So after we made total fools of ourselves eating like pigs and running around Fresh Choice and spilling our food on our hands and laughing extremely loud and other such nonsense... we decided that it was time to leave the restaurant and go to Brendan Theatres to go look for Cameron.

When we got there, we asked Mani, the guy at the box office, if Cameron was working. He said no, but asked if we wanted to know when he was. We said yes. So he spouted off Cameron's schedule way too fast, and Mya ended up sticking her hand into the box office window and stealing the schedule anyways. Then we asked the guys in the box office to sing to us, because we'd gotten them to do it once before.

But they wouldn't. And I met Stephanie, who showed me some pictures of Cameron up in the projection booth.

So we went back down, and discovered Stephen using a hanger to get dolls out of the claw machine. He got this particularly ravishing purple velveteen bear, and he gave it to me. My heart cried out with joy, because the purple bear looks like a smaller version of Ruby, this red bear that we bought in Tracy.

And we got Evan to sing "A Whole New World" for us.

And Mani gave me bridge toll, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Stephen came up and saw Mani's cheek and said, "What the hell is this?"

"Katie gave it to me," Mani said.

"What'd YOU give her?" Stephen asked.

"Bridge toll," Mani said.

Stephen turned to me. "Two dollars?" he asked. So I gave him a kiss on the cheek too because he gave me the purple bear.

And then I taught Mya how to say, "Fuck me up against the wall." in German.

Then I called Stefan, using Aaron's calling card, and sang "Fallin'" to him over the phone, even though he didn't hear it.

Mya told me I was fucked up, but I love her. We love each other. It is some tight shit.

And then I drove Mya home and went over to Stefan's house.

We talked, and we're about to do some more talking.

Even though I am utterly terrified of being in a relationship and letting someone close to me, I bet he will be in that spot soon enough.

Only time will tell.

  • Current Music
    David Byrne - Dance On Vaseline

Never Had A Friend Like Me...

So today I got really upset because my "father" told me that I've been a failure my whole life, so it doesn't really matter whether or not I graduate.. so I called Mya, and she cheered me up.

She told me that Stephanie said I was cute, funny, and pretty.

And then Cameron said, "You met her? I want to meet her."

It makes me so happy that Stephanie thought that from our first time meeting each other... she was dope too. It makes me want to go to the Brendan more.

And Mya has convinced me that it is a good idea to get a job at the mall.

As soon as I graduate, if I am working over in Concord, then I want to live there so that half of my paycheck doesn't go towards bridge toll.

So here are my living options for the future...

*with my parents (um, no)
*in Los Angeles
*in Virginia... if Lauren's offer is still open
*in my old townhouse
*in Martinez (this is my dream, but doubtful that I'll be able to swing it)

That's certainly something to think about.

Some days are better than others.

  • Current Music
    Valentine - Keep The Faith