|Saturday, February 23rd, 2002|
4:36a - Giving Up Nothing
I hung out with Mya tonight and we cruised and went to Andy's and visited Cameron. I got his autograph.
Stefan got picked up on at the show he went to (it seems I've left my bag of I-told-you-so's at home). He doesn't think he's good enough for that... good enough to be noticed by girls... and he couldn't look me in the eyes when he told me that he was approached. I knew I should have gone with him. Oh well. I got to see Cameron and his blue eyes and his bones and his Kevin Bacon nose.
I have no reason to be jealous or angry because we're not together.
But since we're not together, why do I feel so possessive, why do I care so much, why do I see so much of him, and why do I feel guilty every time I visit Cameron? I am going to stop hanging out with him for a while, for real. I have tomorrow and tomorrow night covered, and Sunday... Monday is going to be the real problem.
I wish I had some kind of addiction that drove everyone around me crazy. It used to be cutting but I've even gotten over that. I'm so freaking dulls-ville.
Freaking holy hell, he is so beautiful. He's the human embodiment of gorgeous. Seeing his face takes my breath away. When he lowers his eyes to me and says goodbye, I feel like I could die. When he says my name, I want to hold his hand and never let it go. *deep breath* If only it could remain this pure.
Earthquakes. Never kiss me again.
If we can't be together, then we have to be apart. No buts about it.
And we CAN'T be together. There is too much in the way of all of this. So that's settled.
I have some phone calls to make.
current mood: cranky
4:44p - Katie Loves CompuServe
C S. Dot com.
Ha ha ha! Look at this.
DoubleD: how's it going journal freak?
I love it. Like I love CompuServe.
I'm sure someone knows what I'm talking about. Doesn't she? CompuServe. CS. This is my red flag, sucka.
Maybe I'm not going to move out right away. Maybe I'm going to be a horrible bloodsucking leech and save up money and buy myself a Subaru WRX in that beautiful blue colour that they come in.
Or maybe I'll just kill myself, and swiftly solve every problem in my world.
current mood: helpless
(5 comments |BUH)
11:23p - 66: CURSES!!
Fuck waking up at eleven pm on a SATURDAY NIGHT and still being home. I haven't spent a Saturday night home alone doing nothing since I was fucking... since a long time.
I hate my circadian rhythm, I hate that I missed Mya's birthday dinner, and I had that interview which I don't think went very well.
I think I wanna be sedated again, but I can't find any meds.
"I hate myself and want to die."
current mood: infuriated
(4 comments |BUH)