|Saturday, April 6th, 2002|
10:09a - Red Hot Kitchen
Good morning, ghouls and goblins. I am up excruciatingly early considering I fell asleep somewhere around 5 am, and I've got the sickness again.
Every morning when I used to wake up and it was by an alarm, or by someone else's hand, I always wanted to vomit, and now I feel like I need to vomit, and not even a Citra will heal my soul. Does all this talk about vomit make you want to vomit? I like saying vomit. I also like saying urine, feces, and defecate. Those are fun words. Sometimes proper words are so much more fun. Ucipital Mapillary.
My wrists hurt because I keep cracking them, and I am getting a new mattress today. Ever onward with the rheum cleaning, and there is a bump on my head from when me and Stefan accidentally banged ours together last night, and there is some sort of injury on my back from when I rammed my spine up against this metal rail trying to get up to survey my head. There are also little holes in the back of my hand where I stuck myself with some needles that I found in Stefan's wall.
We went to Andy's last night, and then when I was leaving I wouldn't let him into my car *coughsociopathcough*. So, he sat on the hood, and I sped through the parking lot and then slammed on the brakes. He banged on the window and screamed, "Are you trying to kill me?" He almost flew off of the car, and I knew he would because of physical science studies, but did that stop me? No. I need to be in a hospital away from everyone else. I am dangerous. I do bad, bad things, but I don't realise I shouldn't until they're done. Or, rather, it doesn't fully set in, the consequences, until they are permanent damage.
I'm speaking broken English again.
Needless to say, I was doing over 100 on the way home with the music blaring and we were both very upset. He said he wanted to talk it out so we wouldn't leave on a bad note, how very glad I am that he is a mature person. I could have fed off of something like that for a week or more (enough time to clean my room; I should have. But I can't say no to easy resolve).
I want my wrist to stop hurting.
I finally got to see what my hair looks like in the sunshine and I find it strangely impressive. I always think that no one can tell it's an odd colour when it's dark, but they always notice. I am a dirty bastard. I think Heather Locklear is one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen.
Disney hires the best writers to make their songs come together.
"I thought my heart had learned it lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming 'Get a grip girl!
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!'"
This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love.
current mood: anxious