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Friday, September 3rd, 2004
3:13p - Out With The Old In With The Older
fearsCollapse )

I think memory has always been an issue for me. Confusing it with dreams-- askew, is it real, or am I filling in the holes with creations of my own design without realising it? I think this is why I fear getting old the most of all-- forgetting things. Becoming like my mom and saying things a million times while thinking that it is the first time you have said it. It takes a lot of patience to love someone that does that, and old people generally have no one anyway. I want the most amusing stories to tell so that when my one curious granddaughter comes to visit me in the home, I can tell her the same amusing stories over and over and she won't get angry with me. She will just listen because she likes the stories.

Also frustrating: when I tell my mother something for months in advance, and then it finally comes up a few days before it will happen, she yells at me and says I never told her. I constantly tease her about having dementia but I think I should stop because maybe she really does. If she hadn't been the one to take me to the airport, she could have easily called me while I was in Jersey, asked me where I was and then flipped out, demanding I tell her how I got there and when I would return. I hate being back there.

mom frustrationCollapse )

I so cherish the day if only for the fact I can turn my music up to ear-bleeding levels, and actually feel it without feeling bad for my neighbours or my roommate. I can constantly hear their music because the placement of the speakers and the acoustics of the house, but I don't want them to have to know mine. I can get extremely monotonous. One cool thing, however, was that before Brian had completely moved out, he wanted to hear what I had been working on. They have high-speed downstairs so I downloaded "Guiding Light" for them. Later on in the night, I heard them playing it. That was exciting. He actually wanted to show people. I walked downstairs curious, but unable to suppress a smile.

Only when things are going really well do you notice that you have been skimming icebergs all along and that your hull is damaged. The rest of the time it seems the turbulence is expected, but when things are right, the turbulence causes you to wake in a cold sweat.

We only come out at night.

All I'm really trying to say here is that I want some celery and tomato juice, ok?!


current mood: tragic love songs

(3 comments |BUH)

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