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Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
1:03p - Shut Up, Fucker
Something occurred between Missy and the washing machine.

the postman with the moustache who i was in love withCollapse )

BECAUSE! Anthony Bourdain is a pervert. After reading what he wrote about how he loves raw oysters because they remind him of mermaid vaginas and he felt all initiated after discovering them? I mean, can we get serious? So now whenever I see his face all I can imagine is him like, neck-deep in Ariel. Wouldn't YOU feel uncomfortable if you had to watch someone who gave you that mental image with your mother sitting right there?

Her response to this explanation was to laugh really hard, then pause, then say, "He is a pervert! By the way, Kate, you have to call it a 'va-jay-jay'."

Ok, mom, get right on that.

Since she wouldn't turn it off, I used my old stand-by, which is to call her senile and chant the word 'dementia' at her until I get my way.

She also gets really pissed off if I tell her that Rosie O'Donnell is her girlfriend.

"Why would you say that, Kate? I hate her. She's a pain in the ass. You know Jodie Foster is gay?"

My mother hates Rosie because of The View. I still don't entirely understand that whole thing.

I don't remember what I said, exactly, but it was probably along the lines of "You only like Anthony Bourdain because of your dementia, wouldn't Rosie get jealous?"

Whatever it was, it got me the best reaction from my mom, ever, bar none.

"Shut up, fucker."

I started laughing so hard that my dad came out of his room to see what was going on.

Aw, mawma. Never change.

5000


current mood: mischievous

(2 comments |BUH)


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