Tonight, I had a dream that I had become impregnated by Carrot Top. Maybe it was more like a nightmare, but justice was served because every April Fool's Day, I tell my mom that I'm pregnant, or engaged, or that I need money for an abortion or something like that.
I heard the funniest description of cologne the other day:
"It smells like booze." I love that description, because that denotes an overly alcoholic scent. However, instead of saying, "It smells like alcohol," she said it smelled like "booze". I like the way she talks. It's all fourties style and charming. And she never says "little", she says "wee".
I've done a really good job with my resolution to myself. The only person who suspects anything without being told is Mike.
Nicole thinks I'm mad at her because I never answer my phone.
I never answer my phone because I want to slowly phaze myself out.