On another, slightly weirder note, we are out of pickles and I really need some. I think I am addicted to them. That's my nightly ritual, grab a few pickles, wrap them up in a paper towel and slowly savour them as I read a book, and when they are through with, drink a nice cold Citra and let myself fall asleep mid-page. I make so many weird rituals, I know I'm gonna be fucked up when I live on my own, I'm gonna be the most neurotic person ever. Eli pissed all over my Powerpuff comforter this morning and it made me so angry because after he did it, he went over to the litter box and pissed some more. So, all day long I've been just setting him in the litter box, if he does it again I will kill him. I didn't realise how NOT ready I am to have a kitty, and how maybe it was for the best that Maggie (my other cat, who is pissed at me about Eli) never came in my room. My room isn't made for cats just yet. He's been climbing anything that hangs, which is unfortunate, because I've been wearing baggy claw-proof pants and he climbs up my legs if I stand up for too long. That's the price I pay I suppose, but I think when he gets big enough to jump up places by himself I'm having him declawed because I already have many scratches on my arms and legs, and I don't know how my shoulders look, but I bet they're scratched too because he thinks he's a parrot and likes to sit on my shoulder and knead. Who needs cutting when you've got an insane black kitten living in your room?
But he's a positive sweety when he wants to cuddle. He'll just curl up in a little mini ball on your chest or stomach or pillow and purr for days. I think I like him better when he's asleep but I don't want him to get too lazy because then he will turn fat. Oh my god, I'm becoming one of those people who is obsessed with their pet. I cannot do this. No more talk of Eli for at least a month. Jesus.
I wonder what it means when all you crave is salty food, that's all I've wanted lately. Pickles, soup.. shit like that high in sodium that's going to end up killing me. I already had to go in a few times for EKG's and stuff and I'm scared that my heart murmurs are coming back.. I guess I should go get more Ventolin because it's becoming increasingly harder for me to breathe. I don't want to die young, and my blood pressure isn't like astronomical, it's 100/50 the last time I got a check up which was like a month ago. Some people think it means sodium deficiency, but I don't think so.
I need to go make sure my room's not on fire.