alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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Two Lost Souls Living In A Fishbowl

Refusing to learn my name is ok, just because I am a tissue mess since I have been back. I didn't think it was right on, but it was. I love my house and my roommates but I hate California. Can cows really jump? My mind is idiotic and I go so fast from thought to thought that I expect to be hated or at the very least an object of annoyance. I am still weirded out when I don't annoy people-- that seems my main purpose in life.

Chris said that he envied Rae because while he and I had our differences, he said that she and I were perfect. I think that while it may be unfair and mean, I think that is awesome because... well, I don't really know. Maybe because I am used in correlation with the word perfect, or maybe because he depicts Rae that way. Stephen just told me something very special... and I am retarded because it made me cry. I hate crying in the good way because it is still crying and I am a fucking wuss. Sydney asked me about my trip and all I had to show her were the pictures Rae took and all I had to say were the inside jokes. I suppose that's enough but no one can know what I am thinking or plotting. Except Rae. But she is too cool to mention it.

I fell asleep on my notebook last night and I was reminded of how wonderful it is to fall asleep on paper. I once told someone, can't remember who, that they should lay printer-paper on a bed and sleep on it because it rules. Anyway, when I shifted this morning I totally heard crinkling. I am still fucking jetlagged. Time means nothing to me anymore... not now that I am all righteous and bi-coastal. Oh yeah. I would flex if I had guns.

I mentioned this before, but I don't care: I LOVE MEMORY. It sort of makes me wish that I wasn't an idiot alcoholic because I love being able to remember insignificant things like Stach the Sagugan. Jessica Anne Stoner is a cunt. She used to cheat off me during German exams and like, place anything with a penis before me even though we were 'best friends' and now that I know what real friends are, I realise that she sucks. She constantly would say things to belittle me in front of anything that happened to be male because she is obsessed with feeling superior. I don't understand her need to feel superior, either. When we were friends, she was always the 'thin' one, charming, pretty, whatever. Yet, she felt the need to reinforce it. I guess that's the way it goes. She's not cool or hella Italian, she's just lame. She's a meaty fruitcake. Anyway.

Tonight's the last night
Goodnight will mean goodbye
I'm not brave enough to say it
It will only make me cry
You promised you'd remember
I can't imagine why
I cannot speak the whole truth
Nor can I say goodbye

My phlegm tastes a bit like ranch dressing but I don't give no shit cos I recorded what I wanted without being Janis Joplin. Not that I have a problem with her, but my voice is my own and not hers, and when it is, that just means I smoke too much.


I changed my clothes in the back of a car and a few people told me that was hardcore. This is what life is all about.

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