I think there's something going on. Something that we all know about but are afraid to say. We dance around the subject like it's a ballet and a few things get thrown out about it every now and then but nothing ever really gets accomplished. Maybe it's because we don't know what we want, or that we do but are too afraid to take it. I think fear is the worst thing that occurs naturally in living things. I've been listening to sad songs a lot lately and I think it's making bad things out of my soul. Songs like Daphne Descends that are sending me subliminal messages but still leaving me with room for a choice.
I watched Nurse Betty today. Crispin Glover is in that movie. Last year Christina and I keyed the mantra "Crispin Glover is my lover" and it wasn't very much appreciated by the people that we were dating. It became a habit, something without meaning, much as the phrase, "I love you" becomes a habit after a relationship becomes stale. It's something you just say but don't really mean anymore, unless you are one of those exceptionally lucky people for whom nothing ever goes stale.
I realise that I talk a lot about doing great things like writing a book that someone somewhere will enjoy but I never do it. I have all of the ambition and drive but no inspiration. If I write something based on an event of my life, I find it being too personal and me not wanting to release it to the eyes of anyone unless it is void of my name, and on the other hand, if I just write and make things up as I go as pure spin-offs, it becomes bullshit that is chaos on the page, nothing connecting and therefore, nothing sparking. Boring, yes I know. But really, I am the only one that reads this thing, even though it is online, so I am no longer afraid to be honest. And the people that do read them, someone who would get riled up by my claims, would let me know it by posting a comment. Doesn't that make sense? It's like the theory of the domino effect of stupidity. Isn't that obvious? No? Then you need to shampoo.
My left ear is ringing. That means someone is saying something bad about me right this minute. That's an old superstition, you know. If you're just sitting there chillin' and then your ear starts to ring, it means someone's talking about you. If your right ear rings, it means someone is saying something good, if your left ear rings, it means they are saying something bad, and if both are ringing, it means you have caused an argument between people who have opposing views of you. A lot of responsibility in a pair of ringing ears if you believe, eh?
I don't want people to treat me like I'm nothing. Obviously, it's not gonna make anyone feel good except maybe an extreme masochist. The kind of girl who busts her ass to nab a wonderful boyfriend only to introduce him to her beautiful best friend and watch as they fall in love and take pleasure in her crumbling heart. She knows she's the victim and she's ok with it. What a way to live. Being nothing isn't fun. I'm gonna watch Space Ghost and then American Beauty, and then I'll probably sleep for a little while, only to wake up at 4.30 am. I have to do that if I want to feel complete and accomplish everything that I wanna do, which is to say, a lot of stuff.
And just for everyone's information, there is nothing wrong with pedophiles, as long as they are male. I mean what the hell is a grown woman gonna do with a little boy that she can't do with a man. If you want to ask the question "What is a grown man gonna do with a little girl that he can't do with a woman?" then you are opening a can of worms the size of Texas. The possibilities are endless. Ask any straight pedophile.