So these past few days have been very interesting indeed. Tomorrow is my last day of summer school (hooray!) and I don't know how tomorrow will be. Travis broke up with me tonight. Over the phone. That fucker.
In other news: no boys like me or will like me ever again. Too bad I have let myself fall in love again. *puts on crash helmet* This won't end well. I think the universe might have stopped turning in my favour, but I won't know for sure until tomorrow, and then if it hasn't, I will feel terrible for doubting. (*Note: Let's not forget that this is my journal and I am allowed to feel sorry for myself the day I get broken up with. This is not a ploy for attention or any shit like that, so anyone who thinks it's me fishing can blow me.)
Sorry, I am in a very bitter, cynical, angry mood right now. Fucking Travis. I hope he's happy 'cos if he's not, tonight was a total waste. Oh well. At least I have my freedom again. And at least I can enjoy being around the boy who I am in love with, without feeling guilty. Fuck Matt Wagner too. All of them. Boys suck. Most of them, anyway.
So here's the rundown of how things went:
Lindsay and I ended up hanging out but not going down to the Waterfront Festival. We messed around with my car for a while and then Travis came by and was being really sweet, he drove by my house just to give me a hug and say goodnight (and two days later he breaks up with me, who knew? Fucker) and then Lindsay and I decided to go do something besides chilling out at my house and so we went driving and decided that it was time to go visit Stefan. So we picked up Stefan and then decided that it was time to go find Josh. So we drove all over hell (and walked all over hell) trying to find him. So, it got late and we gave up looking and then we all went back to Stefan's and sat in his Saab for a while... that was interesting. I used to do stuff like that with Amy when I was a kid. We discovered that the key-hole was in the wrong place on the Saab too.
So then it was Lindsay's curfew and she had to go home so I ended up watching Powerpuff Girls with Stefan until two, and then he drove me home and we ogled my car and then my mom yelled at me for standing out in the middle of the street at two am ogling my car and "giving high-fives". There was only one high-five. My mom is insane.
I did lots of driving and bought more Citra, and discovered that I park crooked, but I stay in the lines. I'm beginning to hate driving and just wanna take my test and get it over with. Then I got home and Lindsay (and Josh) and Stefan had called. They are quickly becoming my favourite people because they are laid-back and make me feel like I am actually worth hanging out with. So I called them both back and then I cleaned my room up a bit and ate dinner and watched some Cecil B. Demented. Then Stefan came over and we finished watching Cecil and then we called Lindsay and Josh who told us to meet them down on First Street. So we drive down to First Street and are the first ones there, but it gave me an opportunity to see Lindsay Hinton, which was really good, I really like her. And then I saw Matt, who totally ignored me and made me feel like a piece of shit but who cares he can bite me, boys no longer mean anything to me. But yeah-- then Lindsay and Josh came and they brought drugs with them. (Just weed, of course.) So then we all piled into Stefan's car and went into Vallejo so that they wouldn't get caught by the cops and then they all passed around a pipe and smoked half the pot that they had, and all this was going on WHILE WE WERE DRIVING and only after they had smoked did anyone say, "Hey, shouldn't we open a window? Katie doesn't smoke." And then Aaron (Crusty) acted like he was all surprised and said, "You've never smoked weed??" and I said, "No, I told you, I'm a good girl." and he said, "Yeah, but I just figured you were a pothead." How can I be a good girl and a pothead at the same time? That's so fucked up. So anyway, after they had all smoked and were all feeling kinda giggly they noticed I was being really quiet and I was just in really deep thought and kept asking me what was wrong. The pattern was like, I love my life but what am I doing here? ... This summer will be one I will never forget... I like that the Smashing Pumpkins are playing through all of this so in case we get in an accident I will die hearing Billy.. things of that sort. So then we went back to First Street and sat in Wolves (well, I went outside, I was feeling hot and not in the mood to be social OR happy-go-lucky) saw Matt AGAIN, he ignored me AGAIN, and then I put my feet up on the chair and started thinking more. Stefan was getting really uppity because he didn't wanna miss Space Ghost and there was a conversation going on between us and the Wolves people that didn't seem like it would end, and because he doesn't like Space Ghost that much, the conversation wasn't happy either; it was about cancer and child molestation, the vibes were just really BAD.
So then it was 11.30 and Lindsay was like, "You guys, I'll meet you at Katie's house... I'm gonna drop Josh off at home." So I left with Stefan and the car-ride to my house was like almost totally silent and I felt like a bitch because I realised that I probably killed everyone's buzz and because it's never been that quiet before so I must have done something wrong... or maybe the Smashing Pumpkins music was just depressing, fuck if I know. So we get to my house just in time for Space Ghost and I tape it and then Lindsay shows up, and she has Josh with her, and I was very confused. After Space Ghost was over I started packing for Lindsay's house and then a conversation about jazz ensued and we watched part of Fantasia 2000 so Josh could show us all Rhapsody In Blue because it's "really good jazz". I got all packed so we could have a slumber party at Lindsay's and then we all left and raced each other on the freeway (Lindsay and I in one car, Josh and Stefan in the other). We one one out of two and then we went to Lindsay's and got all made up and made a candid interview video and ate soup and went to bed around 7 am. Then we woke up at nine am and my mom came and got me at 11.30 am after Lindsay smoked some more and we watched Zim.
Then I came home and tried to post, but couldn't, and it sucked. So I slept.
Then I had a dream that Travis was dead so I called him to make sure he was ok and the fucker broke up with me. Then I called Lindsay to tell her that he broke up with me because I was really sad... and I found out her car caught on fire, and that sucks, because they think it's totally destructed, and now no one but Stefan is mobile out of all of us, but hopefully I will be soon. *Wish Me Luck* Today was not a good day in the universe. So then I listened to some sad music and pulled myself together and had a conversation with Josh who made me feel a little bit better about my current situation. Then Lindsay and Stefan called to make sure I was ok, and I was pretty jaded by the time dusk had turned into night and now I don't know what I feel.
I feel pretty worthless that I couldn't even keep Travis happy. That was two years of my life and it was wasted. I have to admit I am still pretty sad about that but there's really nothing I can do. He's moving to Arizona and my senior year is coming up, so maybe it's a hidden blessing and the universe still IS turning in my favour. I'm just hurt and confused and I'm upset because I can't find my Tom Cochrane CD, and I really don't like not being able to read my friends page, but I think I will read it tomorrow and just go to bed now. It's been a long weekend. There are details that I skimmed over but I haven't the strength to do anything about that.
Sorry for this lengthy shit-- I had to tell it to someone. You can skim over this like I skimmed over the details.