alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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A Life Of Sin

I woke up today to find that my arm may be broken. It hurts really bad and I'm not able to type all that well, and it was smashed into my wall when I woke up.

I wake up in weird positions and I think I need a doctor because this is unexplained. I talked to Lauren and she said it might be carpal-tunnel syndrome, because she thinks she has that too. Katie said she thinks I may have just slept on it funny. That is also a possibility.

Today didn't turn out at all the way I thought it would.

Seriously though... I think my life is way too full of sin and I think I am too far gone to fix it and keep it out... I don't even know if I believe in God or whatever but I do know that there are things that are right and there are things that are wrong.

I feel like I am a very wrong person, because I do a lot of bad things. Last night I went tagging, I swear too much, I have premarital sex (but then, a lot of old rules have been thrown out the window... I don't know very many virgins my age), I lie to my parents... I don't know, I just don't feel good right now.

Maybe it's because I have been around a lot of really religious people, I don't know. All I know is that if there is a God, he knows I sin a lot and I don't think he likes it.

I talked to Katie, Lindsay, Josh, Jessica and Travis on the phone tonight. That was odd. I don't think I've ever just been home and had that many people call me in one evening.

I want to get my license... but I am sure it will only promote my life of sin. I'm thinking about dousing my car with my perfume so that it will smell really good. (My perfume smells better if it is on something... like old clothes. If I spray it on like a pillowcase and then let it sit for like three days it's really heavenly, but when it is fresh perfume its scent is pleasant, but only questionably so.)

Mya always said she liked my perfume (ok so, it's not mine, it's just the kind I have always worn since 6th grade) ... she used to wear it for a while and now I think she wears Happy.

I remember Jessica used to wear Baby Soft and it smelled really good. Certain smells will always remind me of certain times and I think that is cool. Now I have really begun to ramble, but at least I realise it. I am tired now. I think I want to watch the Golden Child and go to bed.

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