alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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The Metaphysical -- It's Taking Me Over.

Today was shit. Actually things were fine up until about three hours ago, but then everything came crashing down into utter ruin. But I suppose that kind of thing isn't healthy to focus on. I hella jacked up my nail today. I don't know if I want to have fingernails anymore. I think it would be better for me if I just had stumps of fingers with no nails on them. E.T. didn't have nails and he was an ok guy. It's amazing what kind of stuff people will die for. I am so tired, I think it might be because I am dying. And me, I am dying for no reason. Maybe that's the amazing thing, that I am dying and I'm not going to go without a fight because there is nothing to fight/live for, so ultimately I am just another casualty... somehow dying for nothing. I feel like being angry right now and doing awesome destructive things. (Not like stupid Mike who would want to explode a hill or slit someone's throat, I mean destructive in the sense where I take too many pills or something, so I guess I mean self-destructive, which IS awesome because I am satiating my desires without hurting anyone.) I feel like writing a bunch of stuff. I am so goddamn tired though. I feel like overdosing on my pills tonight so I can feel good tomorrow. Action, reaction. That's what I did last night, and the night before that, and the night before that, and before THAT, I hadn't taken them for three days and I guess I was used to them because I had withdrawals. After three days the effective stuff left my system. My head hurts so bad. I hope I'm being slowly poisoned to death. I don't feel like living my life anymore. It's not like I'm all depressed and suicidal, I'm just fucking bored. There's really nothing all that interesting to live for, so why not die? Why wait around for Death to come, knowing full well that he's taking his sweet time and all you will have to deal with day after day is just a big steaming pile of horseshit? Right now I suppose the only thing that keeps me hanging on are my wonderful friends and my cartoons, they are ALWAYS there for me. Speaking of which, my three favourite boys are having a marathon starting on Saturday @ 3 and I want to watch it and tape it so that I can get the episode in which Ed says, "I smell like fresh cut Spring flowers spewn across a babbling brook, with a hint of lemon!" That's so good. I love the Eds. They are my saviours.

Ok, so tell me this. Why, even when he is all raggedy and beat up, is Kevin Bacon so fucking TASTY? I mean, someone who looks as good as he does should be against the law because if I was an old lady he would break my pace-maker and I would die, and it would be his fault. Would that be manslaughter or murder, because do you think he knows he's drop-dead-gorgeous or is it just an accident that he's not aware of? Kyra Sedgwyck is a very lucky woman. I think I liked her best as Julia in Heart and Souls because she could wear that fluffy sweater without looking fat. Maybe that's why Kevin Bacon married her. She was supposed to have her own show, but maybe it died. I hate it when good shows die. Like the Jenny McCarthy show on MTV... that died, and it was like the best show ever. Jenny and Lou and all those guys who were on there and a musical guest... it was the perfect formula. But MTV always used to get rid of their best shows, and that's why they're at where they are at this point in time... making everything a lot more extreme than it needs to be in order to get the ratings. I'll probably think the exact same thing of Cartoon Network in a few years, but until then, I will enjoy myself. Or at least, I will enjoy it until I die.
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