alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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She's not my mother, she never has been. It has always been that I am her charity case, and that is all. I am going to go cut my hair and eat dinner.

And I am a day away from being 17 and homeless.

Probably a drop-out too.

They're not helping me do anything. They say they love me but they've given up on me. They say it's unconditional and yet they are giving up. When you really love someone, you don't give up on them. I've really loved people, but no one in my whole 17 year span has ever truly loved me.

I guess everyone thinks I am a phony because they can't imagine that really I have this much love in my heart just naturally. That's the thing about emotional intensity... it is often unbelievable.

I probably won't be posting much for a while because I'm going to be without a place to live and searching for a job and a way to get to skool and hopefully, very soon, a license. I have to call my counselors because if I don't graduate, I'm killing myself.

There's nothing for me. It's all against me. I'm about ready to give up on life... because I've never loved life.

It's always been a fair weather friend.

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