alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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I Feel Sick, I Feel Scared, I Feel Ready, And Yet Unprepared

So the buildings went kaboom. This is the shit I woke up to. What a wonderful way to start the day. I got to school feeling paranoid and all day long in all my classes all we did was watch TV about how things were going, and they weren't going well. Two missing planes. Supposed San Francisco target. Damn terrorism. My stupid whore of a World Civ teacher tried to tell us that he wouldn't see another war in his lifetime, let alone a world war. What a stupid ass. I was right. Eat my fucking balls Mr. Garret, however non-existant they may be. We're gonna see some sort of war, even if it's just a war against the terrorists.

School was exhausting. Lindsay called me in the middle of the night last night because she couldn't sleep and then when I got off the phone with her I was awake and my sheets were hot and I couldn't sleep. Sigh. Reversal.

I got home at ten-thirty and my mom wouldn't let me post. There is some sort of stupid new rule at my fascist house where no one can use the computer after ten. I got home at ten-thirty. I NEED to post. Don't they understand that I am a creature of habit? Don't they understand that it makes me uncomfortable to bypass a ritual? Don't they understand what the fuck it means when my doctor says, "She has OCD."? That pisses me off. They make it so hard for me to live comfortably because they get in the way of my habits and rituals, and they rip my habits and rituals away from me. Enough bitching about my parents and my discomfort. It would just be good if the world was perfect.

Livejournal is down. I guess everyone and their mother has decided to post about the attack on America. Janelle said that if we go to war people like me and her will be the cranky old people that will have a million stories about the days of old. I feel like an old lady right now, I've got the cranky part down.

I hung out with the wonderful Stefan last night. We went to the Zodiac house and explored it to the maximum degree. In one of the rooms, underneath the wallpaper, there were all these old newspapers plastered to the wall, and the dates on them were from 1898. It was so amazing, there were advertisements for railroads and new model bicycles. Absolutely wonderful is what it was. It was almost magical. It reminded me of Rasputina, the way it was all yellow with age, but perfectly preserved.

After we got done looking at the house, we went out into the dry, brown valley and noticed that for no apparent reason there was a cluster of trees off in the distance by themselves. For some reason it seemed really intriguing, so we went off to see what they were all about (I thought it might have been some sort of an oasis, or a recluse's shack or something).

We went up there, and there was nothing really to report except that there was a fallen tree whose roots were covered in clay. The view was gorgeous. Lake Herman looked silver and unpolluted, the valley went on as far as the eye could see, there were cute little farmhouses nestled in the hillside, there were no cars, no lights. It was so worth the killer climb that left my legs sore and my stomach aching. I sat down on a fallen tree and took it all in. Stefan took a seat next to me and after a few minutes, put his arms around me.

It was a nice night.
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