alecto - your little bluejay (pollytrance) wrote,
alecto - your little bluejay

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Happy? I Should Be.

Ok, I have decided to write in this thing because I have hit a high spike which probably won't last so I should get it out of my system now and laugh about it later. I think it's funny that whenever things get really fucked up in my life I fuck them up even more, especially when I get sad. So last night I was really sad and I totally fucked myself over because I was dwelling on it and trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to be able to go on without Travis, because he was my true love. This is not so. For one thing, if he was my true love, he would never have made me cry the way he did. Second thing is, I love Mick anyway. Anyway, everything seems like it really will be ok. As long as I don't have to torture myself with bullshit anymore. Oh my god! My Fridays are free again. I can do whatever I want with my friends without Travis making me feel guilty for it. Anyway, when I was all sad last night and I thought things were looking up a bit, I told Josh and Lindsay the movie star that I would go out with them and then Travis just randomly pops up at my house when they arrive, and they don't like each other, so it was a pretty uncomfortable situation, and then Travis leaves this message on my machine that's like, "I hate you, fuck you, blah blah blah." He's such an ASSHOLE. Why did I always defend him to my friends? Why did I try to make things work? Why any of it? He's too mean and cruel for his own good. But anyway, so last night I was feeling especially daring, much like someone who knows they're going to the electric chair (they can only fry you once right?), so I randomly gave my number to this guy in Concord. It was pretty damn funny. That guy probably had a girlfriend too, and if he did I hope he ripped up that phone number that I gave him, because I wouldn't wanna start anything. The paper I used to write my number on was this bus-ticket that Travis had bought for me last Saturday to get to the San Francisco Zoo, when we went with his art class, but it sort of doubled as a casual date. Ha! I used our date memorabilia to give my number to another guy two hours after he broke up with me. The guy never called me, and probably never will, but I don't care. The fact is that I did it and I'm not sorry. Sure, I did my share of things to him that made him feel bad, and I do feel guilty for the crap I pulled before, but I think I can finally be at peace with myself.

Just now I told Chris D, the punk-rocker with the cool spikes in his hair, that Ace of Base was cool and he probably thinks I'm an idiot because that's not the kind of thing you say to people like him. At least, I don't think it is.

My mom is stomping around the house like she's pissed off about something and seeing as how I am the only one at home she's probably mad at me. Even though I didn't do anything. I wish Mya had a live journal because her stuff would be absolutely positively genius and everyone would LOVE to read it. She's who I would like to be if I could change my life and be someone else. She's the kind of girl who touches the top of the car if you run a yellow light, the kind of girl who speaks freely of her dreams, who sings Jungle Boogie at the top of her lungs even though she doesn't know all the words. In short, she is DOPE!!! We love her. If I wasn't scared she would murder me with a double-bladed axe I would post her contact information so everyone could get in touch with her and see what I was talking about. That's beautiful, dad.

Everytime I'm with Josh and Lindsay the movie star now we always talk about how oil is alive. Lindsay the movie star doesn't really buy it, but it's still a fun thing to talk about. Oil is living, and unless it is in a closed container it will multiply and take over the world, that's how come the government gets so pissed off when there's an oil spill. That's how come Vaseline is DANGEROUS. I think I'm gonna go eat and take a shower and clean my room and then maybe find a victim and go out and do something cheap and fun. Well, anyway, I'm not gonna be bored anymore. I'm gonna live it up like I should have been now that the chains have been lifted. Ciao!
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