I am feeling rather poetic at the moment so later I am probably gonna look back at this and think that it was stupid of me. I'm thinking now of all things that make you breathe a sigh of relief. Like that special kind of relief sigh you can do after you've been clenching your hands so tightly that your knuckles are white and then you find out everything is ok. The kind of sigh that you sigh when you cuddle in and your bed feels and smells as soft and sweet as it is possible. Sigh after smiling so long because you are so happy it hurts, finally being able to relax. Being able to close your eyes and soak in the rays of the sun. That's the kind of sigh of relief I'm talking about.
And now my cat is in the front entry way chewing on a mouse. Great. We have mice. My bed is on the goddamn floor. If I hear one of those bastards squeaking, or ever feel it crawling on me, I'm gonna be pissed off, and creeped out. Now I'm gonna be scared to walk around my house, especially at night. I once saw a mouse in my bathroom at my old house and I was freaked out forever. That's part of the reason I always wore socks before, and I totally forgot about it, but now that fear is renewed. I'm not scared of mice per se, I'm just scared of the diseases that they carry and that maybe one day I'll be sleeping in my bed and I'll roll over and then I'd smash the poor thing and I'd have mouse guts all over me. That would be sick, or maybe, with my luck, I'd wake up, kick off the blankets, and find a dead mouse, bones protruding. My cat is playing cruel games with it now, and the poor thing is squeaking but I can't really do anything about it because I'm scared if I try to help it will bite me or run up my pant leg or something, and I can hear my mom cussing in the next room because she knows exactly what's going on. I'm never leaving my shoes out here again. I swear I know that one of these days I'll go to slip on my Vans and there will be something inside. Creep crawly stuff like that is the reason I could never be on one of those outdoor scary shows like Survivor.
That reminds me of this one time when I was little and I had gotten scared in the middle of the night so I had crawled in bed with my mom and when I woke up and looked over the side of the bed in the middle of the night (at the time when it was REALLY important that I should get up if I needed to use the bathroom) and I saw eyes staring at me under the bed. Shiny, silvery eyes. I told my mom that I saw eyes under the bed and she said, "No you don't you're only dreaming, go back to sleep" but I told her I had to go to the bathroom and dragged her in there with me, and after that was taken care of, even though I was still pretty freaked out, I went back to sleep. I woke her up at five, with a bad dream, when it was still dark outside, and I told her that the eyes were still under the bed. Somehow, I didn't need to look over the side and see them, that little kid intuition of mine told me that they were still there, and that they were going to get me. So I made my mom get up and go get a flashlight so that she could prove to me that there were no eyes under the bed. But, for once, I turned out to be right. There WERE shiny, silvery eyes under the bed. What had happened was in the middle of the night my cat had dug up the fish heads from the fish my dad had cleaned the previous evening and dragged them under the bed, and started to chew on them, and then had left them there and gone somewhere else. The thing about all this that is really funny though was the fact that I was more creeped out by my cat dragging in fish heads and the possibility of what else she could bring in. (We lived in a small town, where lots of times we'd wake up to Gardner snakes in front of the car on school days and me and my cousin shrieking.)
Ok, because I have sat cross-legged in my computer chair for a long time waiting for my cat to finish up with that mouse so that I could go into my room, my leg has fallen asleep and it's fallen asleep to the point that I'm getting those painful little pin-pricks, so I should probably get going. Besides, I've had a long day.